


By your side.

by jellyfic



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: It’s fluff, M/M, Mention of sex, Moving In Together, enjoy, kurapika is stressed, pls beware mention of sex from beginning to end, there’s just a half-steamy kiss tho, there’s no sex tho, they’re in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25974556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfic/pseuds/jellyfic
Summary: Chrollo and Kurapika just moved in together. It’s a pretty huge step into their relationship; but Chrollo would like to take another important step. Kurapika lacks confidence.
Relationships: Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer/Kurapika
Comments: 11
Kudos: 146





	By your side.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alxndraaaaaaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alxndraaaaaaa/gifts).



> This is a birthday gift and a giveaway fic for the amazing Alex! 
> 
> I guess you people can enjoy it too!

Kurapika was used to living alone. It didn’t bother him, and if he had to be honest, he even liked it. He had his own habits, and could do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. He liked it, the feeling of being free, of being the one and only in charge of his life. He liked his life like that best; wild, refreshing, repetitive. 

That was, until he met Chrollo. 

He should have seen the storm coming, really. He knew he wasn’t a simple breeze either, but Chrollo was the whole storm, blast, thunder and rain included. He came in his life without warning, shuffled his way into his heart and stayed, rent free. He used to hate it, hate the way Chrollo made himself a place in his life, growing more and more important, taking more and more place in his heart. But now, he was kind of used to it. 

Fortunately, one would say, since they just moved in together. 

It was a huge change, a gigantesque step into their life together, Kurapika knew that. But as he said, Chrollo came quick into his life, settling himself in without even asking to. 

Not that Kurapika minded. 

Not at all. 

After all, despite everything, Chrollo wouldn’t do something that Kurapika was not comfortable doing. Even with his menacing aura, his nothing-can-shake-me-i’m-an-unemotional-bitch caracter, he was soft for Kurapika, he respected his boyfriend. That was something that, even if Kurapika would never admit, he had always loved about Chrollo. 

How kind and caring he would be with him, how soft and clingy he could get sometimes. They weren't always soft everyday, they would bicker. A lot. Very competitive, they found themselves screaming at each other or not talking to one another for days, which was more than it was acceptable to say. Still, they had their own way to show they cared for each other. Because they did. They did care. 

Which was probably why Kurapika was getting out of his comfort zone, turning around two eggs in a pan, at such early hours that Kurapika himself was surprised about it. It wasn’t his habit to make breakfast, actually it wasn’t his habit to cook at all. He could cook, he just didn’t like it, even more knowing he could have better food by just ordering some. But it was their first morning in their shared apartment, and Kurapika wanted to do something nice. For once. 

So he decided to wake up a bit early, just enough to be the first one opening his eyes, so he could cook breakfast and bring it to bed. He felt a bit ridiculous standing here in the kitchen, a spatula in hand, looking at eggs being fried, but he was doing it for Chrollo. For their first morning to be perfect. He wanted them to have a good start. 

Still, he felt weird. He stayed though, putting all his focus on the task, trying not to think about the fact that it truly was their first morning in their shared apartment, about the fact that he had never woken up before Chrollo, that he was doing such a domestic act, full of love and kindness. He wrinkled his nose, considering giving up and just eating everything before his boyfriend would wake up. 

He could. He totally could, out of embarrassment. And he was seriously thinking about it and-

Large arms wrapped themselves around his body, interrupting him so abruptly in his thoughts that he jumped, almost burning himself. He sighed deeply once the surprise was gone, closing his eyes for good measure. He bit his lips, keeping his snarky remark to himself, their first morning had to be perfect. 

Chrollo nuzzled his nose into Kurapika’s hair, humming absentmindedly, still half-asleep. It wasn’t the first time he would be clingy in the morning. Actually, Kurapika found out through the months spent together that Chrollo was always cold, hence why he liked cuddling, even though he would never admit it.

“You’re up early.” Chrollo muttered, breath tickling Kurapika’s hair. 

“Hm,” Kurapika answered, turning the stove off. “Wanted to make breakfast.” 

“You never make breakfast.” Chrollo snorted, exasperation evident in his voice, but his arms squishing him a bit tighter suggested otherwise. 

“I’ll let you starve next time.” Kurapika countered, rolling his eyes, biting his lips to prevent his smile from showing up. 

“I’m fine with it. That’s what you did until now.” 

Kurapika kicked him in the side with his elbow, shifting slightly to the side so he could toast bread. They stayed silent for a moment, leaning into each other’s hold, just content being there, enjoying their first real step into couple life, under the same roof. 

Slowly, Chrollo began nuzzling his nose into Kurapika’s neck, blowing softly on the skin, breath of hair tickling the blonde. Kurapika wasn’t really bothered by it, it wasn’t the first time it happened, he was just very aware of it. He was pouring out two cup of coffee, waiting for them to be full, when Chrollo kissed his skin, gently, softly, taking way more time than what was necessary. 

_ That _ was not usual.

Kurapika shivered, tensing a bit. They have already kissed, they’re pretty used to showing affection between closed doors, but truly, Kurapika could feel the weight of something else. He said nothing at first, trying to ignore it. But when Chrollo trailed down his kisses, going from his neck to his shoulders, Kurapika felt his stomach twist. Quickly, he got away from his boyfriend’s hold, chuckling nervously. 

“Let’s go take breakfast before it gets cold.” 

He put the plates and cups on the table, avoiding Chrollo’s minutious eyes, which were undoubtedly watching him. Refraining him from breathing out shakily, Kurapika just sat, and started eating, cheeks turning bright shades of red. 

— 

The thing was, as much as Kurapika liked affection, he wasn’t  _ confident _ about it. He had always been pretty shy about things like that, it had always been hard for him to accept kisses and hugs from Chrollo. 

He had no confidence in displays of affection. 

But it was clearly not Chrollo’s case. 

Chrollo had always been the one investigating it, slowly but surely making sure he was fine with everything he would do, making sure to work step by step. Which truly, Chrollo’s friends have been mocking him about, because he had always been too calculative about everything, always planning out and testing, taking his sweet time. But Kurapika was okay with that, very okay. 

And these days, Chrollo was definitely trying to make a new step. 

A new step that frightened Kurapika to the core. 

It was stupid, really. All Kurapika had to do was to say that he wasn’t ready to be intimate yet. Not that he didn’t want it. Oh god, far from it actually. It was just that he was scared of screwing things up. What if Chrollo couldn’t understand this time? What if Kurapika was just being  _ too  _ slow,  _ too _ annoying? What if Chrollo would end up frustrated and leave him? 

He couldn’t muster up the courage to say it to Chrollo, couldn’t admit that he was frightened, stressed at the idea of having sex with him. So instead, he would find shitty excuses each time Chrollo would suggest it. 

Just like tonight, as they were both watching a movie on their couch, both cuddled up together. It had been more than two weeks since they settled in together, and they found out that they loved staying together in the living room, spending some time watching silly movies while leaning into each other under warm blankets. It was nice, warm, and soft. Very needed from time to time. 

The movie had been running for almost an hour now, and even though they both weren’t very fond of it, they still stayed to watch. 

That was until Kurapika felt something brush his knees. It was subtle at first, gentle as usual. Chrollo had a hand posed on one of his knees and was tracing circles on his skin. It didn’t bother Kurapika much, but he knew where this would lead, and that made him feel anxious. And he was right, as a few seconds later, Chrollo’s hand slowly traced his way up, caressing Kurapika’s tights. 

This time though, Kurapika tried to be less obvious about it, even though he doubted his own skills. He yawned loudly, scrubbing his eyes, and stood up, stretching for a bit more effect. 

“Sorry, I’m pretty tired tonight. Going to bed” Kurapika still bent down to steal a chaste kiss, before quickly walking to their bedroom, sloping on the bed to plunge his face into his pillow. 

This wasn’t fair. He wanted to do it, he had been in love with Chrollo for months now and doubted it would ever go away, but still. He was just so stressed out about what Chrollo would think of him, that he couldn’t help the twisting of his stomach everytime Chrollo tried to make a move. 

Kurapika hated how dumb he felt, how guilty he felt. He knew he shouldn’t feel this way, Chrollo never actually made him uncomfortable, and if he was stressed about being intimate, it was natural. Still, he felt like he could do nothing about it, stress just growing wider and wider at the idea that Chrollo would end up being tired of him. 

A fear that didn’t help him at all, as Chrollo was walking around the house, half naked.

Conflicted was the perfect word to describe Kurapika at that moment. 

It was pretty late at night, Kurapika was lying in their bed, face buried in his pillow, desperately trying to hide the blush that had been constant since he woke up this morning. The fact was, he woke up with Chrollo freshly showered, hanging around in the house with only a towel around his waist. 

Kurapika knew what his boyfriend was doing, it was way too obvious not to. Chrollo knew how good looking he was, how much effect he could have on the blonde, and he was viciously playing around. Kurapika hadn’t been able not to stare at him all day, his body constantly feeling hot and cheeks growing more and more pink. Chrollo would pretend that it was natural, that he didn’t know he was creating a riot in Kurapika’s brain. But Kurapika knew him too well to know that he was being a tease. 

Chrollo was desperately trying to get Kurapika’s attention, but Kurapika was still too anxious to even think about making a move. 

The more Chrollo was teasing him, the more Kurapika wanted to know what it would feel like, to feel Chrollo showing him his love in anotherlanguage. How all would turn out. He had grown more and more curious over the month they’ve spent together in their apartment. Still, he couldn’t help to question himself. 

What if he was bad? What if Chrollo wouldn’t like it? What if he fucked up everything? What if he was just overthinking it? What if? What if? So he did nothing, and was now trying to calm himself down before Chrollo would actually come to bed with him. 

Maybe he’ll end up confident enough to go for it. Maybe he’ll trust him enough to give his all to his boyfriend. 

He hadn’t thought that Chrollo would stop making moves all together though. Even stopping the little shows of affection he had grown used to over the year they spent together. 

From that very day Chrollo wandered around the house half naked, Kurapika found himself off balance, forbidden of any attention at all. 

Chrollo wouldn’t wait for him to wake up in the morning anymore, cuddled up against him in silence, both of them just slowly getting out of their sleeping state. They wouldn’t tangle their limbs together on the couch, lazily watching TV either. In fact, Chrollo stopped initiating anything. Kurapika was the one reaching out for a kiss or a hug, he was the one suggesting they do something together. He wasn’t used to that, he was used to Chrollo understanding his needs, acting by himself, knowing that it was what Kurapika needed. 

Kurapika was slowly getting crazy. He guessed it was his fault, he guessed that was the time Chrollo got tired of him. He guessed it was the consequence of his own cowardice. He knew he should have talked with Chrollo. His boyfriend would have understood. He should have told him that he just felt uncomfortable, that it wasn’t that he didn’t want it, that he was just scared, shy, anxious. Anything would have been better than just ignoring him and making him believe Kurapika didn’t want him. 

The thing was that Kurapika wasn’t good with words. And to be fair, none of them were. They were both just two dorks, that even with their strong temperament, got to make their couple work without even talking about what they felt. Because they were bad at words. Terrible at them. 

So Kurapika tried to solve this mess the only way he knew how to; with actions. 

He would wake up early, and do breakfast, just like he did on their first day here and never did again until then. He felt a bit embarrassed, knowing how sappy he was getting but he fried the eggs anyway, ignoring his cheeks turning pink. He wanted to make it work, he wanted Chrollo to understand that he hadn’t meant to be mean, that despite everything, he truly loved him. 

But when Chrollo woke up, joining him in the kitchen, he sat down lazily, still half asleep, only thanking him for the food before eating. He kept silent then, eating while lost on his thoughts, unaware of the disappointed and bitter look Kurapika was giving to his own plate. 

This was going to be hard. 

—

“You look hot.” 

A heavy silence followed Kurapika’s words as Chrollo stopped his movement, blinking at him, stunned. He was in the middle or arranging his tie, almost ready to go to work, in a rush. Completely immobile, he frowned at his boyfriend, which only unsettled Kurapika more. 

Kurapika’s head turned crimson in a matter of seconds, suddenly hyper aware of his bluntness and the silence, unbearing, surrounding them. He suddenly felt ridiculous, breath caught up in his chest. He wanted to say Chrollo to forget it, to just go to work and let this compliment that blustered out of his mouth without warning fade into the void. But he knew he would be a stuttering mess if he even tried to speak, and he was  _ not _ making a fool of himself even more. 

So he turned his heels, ready to run towards the bathroom and lock himself in before getting ready to work at his turn. But a hand prevented him from moving, grabbing his wrist firmly. Kurapika turned around, facing Chrollo, but unable to look at him. He was sure his whole body was red by now, which did nothing to help him cool off. He felt stupid, and was truly embrassed. 

“What did you just say?” Chrollo finally spoke, voice hoarse. 

“Nothing, just- forget it.” Kurapika mumbled in response, voice trembling. He hated how fragile he sounded, this wasn’t him. He was fierce, he was strong, he wasn’t just a teenager discovering love. So why was he acting like one? 

“No. No.” Chrollo continued, peaking Kurapika’s interest. “Say it again, please.” 

Kurapika finally glanced up, surprised to see interest in his boyfriend’s eyes. He repeated, a bit more confidently. “You look hot.” 

A grin found its way on Chrollo’s lips as he finally let go of Kurapika’s wrist. A grin which truly eased Kurapika’s nerve as he sighed deeply, chuckling the tension out of his body. 

“You’re not so bad yourself.” Chrollo answered, his smile growing. 

Kurapika looked down at his outfit, rolling his eyes once he remembered he slept with only his boxer and one of his boyfriend’s shirts last night. “I hate you.” He laughed, turning around to go and get ready. 

Chrollo’s laugh echoed in the room, making his heart miss a beat as he disappeared in the corridor. Shaking his head, Kurapika locked the door behind him, chuckling. They were so stupid and had such a weird relationship. He couldn’t believe this simple compliment made them forget all about their awkwardness from the past month. They truly were something. 

Encouraged by Chrollo’s responsiveness, Kurapika pushed his luck one time one night, as they were both snuggled on the couch, watching TV. Slowly, he put his hand on Chrollo’s knee, mirroring that night Chrollo tried to make a move. And as time was passing by, movie playing in front of them, his hand moved to Chrollo’s tights. He leaned closer to his boyfriend, head turning to plant a kiss on his shoulder. But as soon as he did it, Chrollo took his wrist, pushing his hand away.

Kurapika’s heart missed a beat as he bit his lips. Chrollo turned to face him, brows furrowed, confusion clearly shown on his face.

“What are you doing?” Chrollo’s voice wasn’t harsh as Kurapika thought it would have been, soft tone easing his nerves. 

“I thought you wanted to.” 

Chrollo furrowed deeper, tilting his head. “I thought you didn’t want to.” 

Kurapika closed his eyes, sighing deeply, nibbling on his lower lips. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I’m just-” He didn’t even know why, but annoyance was slowly building up in his chest, probably consequences of so many days spent in silence or awkwardness. “I got scared okay?” He almost spat, confusing Chrollo even more. “I’m not as confident as you. I’m not confident about intimacy, hell it took me months to let you kiss me! And I was anxious about telling you because you seemed so into it and I didn't want you to get tired of me.” He finally admitted, talking quickly. He took a long breath in, waiting for Chrollo’s answer. 

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?” 

“I told you already. I’m not going to say it again.” Kurapika countered, blushing slightly. 

“You thought I would get tired of you- I- Are you serious?” Disbelief could be clearly identifiable in his voice, as his eyes widened and his brows shot up. “You know that I love you, right?” 

Kurapika’s breath caught up in his chest, as he stared, wide eyes at his boyfriend. He didn’t know why he was surprised, he knew he was important to Chrollo, they wouldn’t be there if he wasn’t. But hearing him say those three words, so bluntly, set off something in him. 

He had been stupid. Of course Chrollo loved him. They hadn’t gone through hell and quarreled for him to doubt about it. He had been stupid to even think that his boyfriend would get tired of him, that Chrollo was going to judge him about anything. Of course they would tease each other, of course they would bicker, but they would never hurt each other. 

Pushed by adrenaline and a sudden burst of love, Kurapika launched himself on Chrollo, settling his hands behind his neck and crashing their lips together. It was sudden, brutal, full of love and anticipation and it threw Chrollo off guard for a few seconds before he finally responded to the kiss, wrapping his arms around Kurapika’s waist. Kurapika slowed down then, making the kiss gentler, tender, as his hands wandered into his boyfriend’s hair. 

He breathed into the kiss, heart bursting out from emotion, enjoying every inch of Chrollo’s lips against his. Chrollo answered to the kiss eagerly, but still so gently, angling Kurapika’s head with one hand, demanding access, which Kurapika gave without hesitation, shiver running down his spine. Warmth spread its way into his veins as Kurapika slowly passed a hand under Chrollo’s shirt, caressing his skin. 

Chrollo stopped him though, taking his hand, but this time, he didn’t push him away. He just broke the kiss, frowning slightly while looking at Kurapika. 

“You don’t have to do this.” He whispered, out of breath. 

Kurapika shook his head, bending down to seal their lips together again, kissing him passionately, eagerly. Signing their downfall to hell, or paradise. Whichever was better.

“I want to.”


End file.
